Twice the Chaos and Twice the Humor

Hi everyone. It has been a while since I have posted anything. My girls are so active that I hardly have time. I hope to write more frequently but for now I wanted to share an article that I wrote for my town’s magazine. 

Ray Romano once said, ” Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up. I wholeheartedly agree with this quote because it is true. Life with kids can get . . . messy. It’s the joyous moments in the midst of the chaos that matter.

I personally have decided to just embrace the mess because if I don’t, it will swallow me whole. I am the mother of 20-month-old twin girls, and life with twins can get extremely . . .  interesting. There’s hardly any downtime, my hair usually looks like a lion’s mane and I quite often wear my daughters’ food as an accessory.

People frequently ask me how I survived the first year of raising twins. I would love to say that it was a breeze, and that I did it all on my own, but for me, part of being a parent is remaining 100 percent honest, because you aren’t going to do other mothers a favor by sugarcoating the truth.

I got through my daughters’ first year of life by believing that “raising a kid takes a village.” With the support of my husband, our families and our friends, I was able to remain as well rested as possible, making me better equipped to handle any situation thrown at me.

Along with this, having a good sense of humor goes a long way when it comes to parenting. Having twins has allowed me to see the absurdity that accompanies raising young children. I have been that mother who wears a plastered smile while holding an unruly child in the supermarket, as she thrashes about because her mother wouldn’t allow her to eat a plastic bag. I have been that mother who laughs anxiously and apologizes to a perfect stranger because her 1-year-old slapped her bottom while waiting in line at a department store. I have been that mother who goes out in public wearing her husband’s clothes because she just didn’t have the time to find an outfit that fit her post-pregnancy body.

I find that the best medicine for a hard day is laughter. Try to find the humor in every situation. I guarantee that when you remove yourself from the chaos, it won’t be hard to find.

“I don’t care I love it”

Whenever I think about toddlers, the song “I love it” comes to mind. More specifically, a phrase within the song, “I don’t care I love it!” I believe this is what toddlers are thinking whenever they act out.

Here are some examples…

Parent: Please don’t strip in public.

Toddler: I don’t care I love it!

Brielle went through a phase where she would lift up her shirt and laugh whenever someone said hello to her.

Parent: Please don’t have a major tantrum in the middle of the supermarket because I wouldn’t let you eat a plastic bag.

Toddler: I don’t care I love it!

Last week Alexis got hold of a plastic bag while we were waiting on line at the supermarket and tried to eat it. When I took it from her, crocodile tears streamed down her face, and her legs and arms began waving around franticly as she screamed at the top of her lungs. Her actions made me become “that parent”. The parent that wears a plastered smile on their face, as their child flops around in their arms like a wet seal.

Parent: Please don’t pick your sister’s nose and then show me what you found in there.

Toddler: I don’t care I love it!

Brielle finds this hilarious, and Alexis has no problem letting her do it.

Parent: Please don’t point at strangers in the elevator and yell “poop pants” because they just farted.

Toddler: I don’t care I love it!

This was my friend’s child, but I just had to share her story.

Parent: Please don’t rip shopping bags out of people’s hands at the mall and run away with them.

Toddler: I don’t care I love it!

Yesterday, Alexis ripped a Macy’s bag out of a woman’s hand and ran away with it. The woman gave me a look as if I trained my 14 month old to do this.

If you have a toddler I am sure you can think of a million stories just like these. In my opinion there’s only one way to deal with toddlers. Laugh to yourself, because come on, toddlers are hilarious, and use each outburst as an opportunity to teach them right from wrong.


Thanks vtech!

Yesterday I took the girls to Toys “R” Us. We found a vtech gas station that looked like it would be a lot of fun. I thought this would be the perfect toy for the girls to share being that multiple cars were included. The picture on the box indicated that this toy came with a taxi cab, a fire truck, a van, a tow truck, and a police car. With that many cars to choose from, I figured the girls would have less to argue about, and would enjoy playing with this toy together.


After I assembled the toy I realized it only came with ONE TRUCK! What are my twins going to do with a huge gas station and ONE TRUCK.

“Ok girls, time to share!”

I thought twice about saying this because I knew the reaction I would get would be a loud screaming, “ARGH!”

I said it anyway, and got the truck thrown at me.

Thanks vtech!

Mommy Brain

I truly believe that my brain has changed since having the girls. Quite often I feel like I am in a fog and can’t find my way out. I swear I had a brain…once. Now I believe I have what is called, “mommy brain.”

Here are a few situations that have led me to believe that I have “mommy brain.”

1. A few months ago my friend came over to speak to me about an upcoming procedure that she was having done. For fifteen minutes she spoke about the type of procedure it was, why she was having it done, and how it wasn’t anything to be worried about. My response to her was, “Colonoscopies are very routine, and you will be just fine.” She gave me a sideways look and said, “ Who is getting a colonoscopy?” I swear I was completely focused on her. Or at least I looked like I was. My eyes were locked with hers, I was nodding in the correct places, but my brain was apparently out to lunch.

2. I went to Bed Bath & Beyond to buy a fitted sheet but when I approached the sales associate to ask where I could find one my mind went blank. Here is how our conversation went.

Me: “I need… ummm…this thing that goes on my bed. It is like a sheet, but it is not a sheet. Well, it is a sheet, but it has elastic edges. Where can I find that?”

Sales Associate: “You lost me.”

Me: “I can’t think of what it is called so let us play a game of fill in the blank. I go on a bed, but I am not a comforter. I am also not a mattress pad or a regular sheet, so I am a…”

Sales Associate: “I don’t work in bedding.”

Me: “Never mind…”

The sales associate gave me a very odd look as he walked away and I don’t blame him .This happens more often then I care to admit. Words are constantly getting lost from my vocabulary.

3. I go to Starbucks often. I have become a bit dependent on caffeine as I wake up at 5 a.m every day. Anyway, one day I drove through the drive thru and ordered a vanilla latté. After I collected my drink, I took a sip, and gagged. They had given me the wrong drink. I drove through the drive through again and spoke with the girl at the window.

Me: “I am sorry to bother you but I ordered a vanilla latté and you gave me a”… I looked down at the sticker and it said vanilla latté. “Well you gave me a vanilla latte.”

Girl: “Ok…”

Me: “ Well, I don’t drink vanilla latté’s. I am not sure why I ordered it.

Girl: “ What do you usually drink? I will make it for you.”

Me: “ I have no idea.” And I drove away.

I usually get chai tea lattés but for some reason I had forgotten the name of it and accused Starbucks of making me the wrong drink. That wasn’t my finest moment.

Again, I had a brain…once.

Let’s Party!

This afternoon my husband and I took the girls to a birthday party. Going anywhere with one-year-old twins is hectic, especially when one of them is all over the place. I literally broke into a sweat within the first five minutes of being there.

The first five minutes looked something like this…
Alexis and Brielle were sitting on my lap while my husband was setting up their booster seats.
Alexis was grabbing hold of everyone that walked past her.
Brielle kept reaching for the tablecloth and was almost successful in ripping it off of the table.
And, I was stuck in the middle trying to keep the peace.
Once we were all set up and the girls were sitting in their chairs, I thought I would be able to sit back and catch my breath, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Here is how the rest of our afternoon went…
Brielle’s lunch ended up on my lap.
Alexis kept sticking her hand in my friends food.
Brielle peed all over her dress while I was changing her diaper.
Alexis tried to crawl away while I was changing her diaper and got poop on her dress.
(We had backup outfits)
And then, when I was starting to run out of steam, and thought we would have to leave for a bit so that my husband and I could relax, the entertainment arrived and saved the day. The girls were completely captivated by the Disney characters and focused all of their attention on the activities they had planned.
Brielle and Alexis both  danced to the hokey pokey, they were both excited to take a picture with Mickey and Minnie mouse, and, they  were both happy to do the limbo.
All in all it was a great afternoon. The decorations were beautiful, the birthday girl and boy looked adorable, and the girls had a blast! Now it is time for me to go to bed!

Complete Chaos

The girls had their 1 year check up today and it was complete chaos, as usual. They both screamed the entire time, even before anyone touched them. They both tried to jump off of the scale, and they refused to let anyone but me hold them. Along with this, Alexis pooped on the exam table, Brielle peed all over the doctor, and finally Alexis pressed her body up against mine so tightly to avoid making contact with the stethoscope,  that the doctor felt me up.
While all of this was going on, every adult in the room was trying to calm them down in their own way, which only added to the madness. I was singing,the nanny was making shushing sounds, and the nurses kept telling them,”Everything is going to be ok.” We looked like a dysfunctional circus act. 
Thankfully the girls’ doctor and the nurses are extremely  kind. They stayed positive and upbeat the entire visit and reassured me that the girls’ behavior is completely normal and expected. 

Separation Anxiety

I now know what it feels like to be a celebrity. I have had “fans” watch my every move, reach out to grab me, and scream my name on a daily basis.

Brielle is my number one fan. Over the past couple of weeks she has been experiencing separation anxiety. Her big blue eyes follow my every move and if I get too far away from her all hell breaks loose. She immediately turns on the waterworks and begins screaming my name while reaching out to grab hold of me.

I believe this is the reason she has been refusing to go to bed lately, which was written about here, Sleeping Beauty. Now that I have a better understanding of what caused the change in her nighttime routine, I have come up with a new strategy. Instead of allowing her to fall asleep on me (which I have been advised is a bad habit to get into) I sit next to her crib. This keeps her feeling relaxed and enables her to fall asleep easily.

My new strategy has one small flaw. She can sense when I get up to leave the room. Her eyes pop open as soon as I stand up. With that said, I have found a solution. I now crawl out of her room. As long as I stay low to the ground and move slowly, I am able to leave without disturbing her sleep.

I hope this phase is short lived and she is able to feel relaxed without having me near her at all time. Until then, I will continue army crawling my way out of her room on a nightly basis to make sure she feels safe and secure.


Now that my girls are on the move, I spend a lot of time on my hands and knees crawling around on the floor alongside them. My jeans are becoming worn because of this and so I came up with what I thought was the most logical solution. I decided I would wear the same pair of jeans every day during playtime to prevent my entire jean collection from getting destroyed. Up until today I thought my problems were solved.

I was wrong…

Today, as I was crawling around the living room with Alexis, my friend began laughing hysterically. When I say hysterically I am not exaggerating. It was the kind of laughter that takes your breath away and causes tears to stream down your face.

I couldn’t put two and two together. No one did anything humorous, and so to me there was no apparent reason for this outburst. None that I could see anyway.

When she was finally able to speak she said, “I see your butt!” The laughter continued as I stood up, looked in the mirror, and saw my underpants staring back at me.

My pants ripped! There was a huge hole between the two back pockets, exposing a good portion of my bottom. Being that I was wearing tan underpants, she assumed she was seeing skin.

I guess it is time to put my “play” jeans to rest. They have clearly been overused.  I now have to find a better solution for preserving my clothing. Any suggestions?