Random

I was just browsing through other blogs and I came across one that featured a picture of a hot mom.

She is wearing a sports bra and panties and has rock hard abs.

Everyone was commenting on how it made them feel.

This is how it made me feel.

It made me feel like eating junk food so I went into the kitchen and got some vanilla wafers.

Is that not the oddest response to seeing rock hard abs on a mom?

Most women were saying they want to diet or they will eat healthier.

I stuffed myself with wafers.

Well it isn’t 2013 yet.

I will start my diet tomorrow!

Like I said a couple of posts ago, it is time to prove my doctor wrong.

Mom’s can look like they did before they had kids.

We can do it!

I will do it!

Just not tonight! 🙂

New Year’s Eve

A time to party!

A time to celebrate!

A time to go out until all hours of the night!

YEA RIGHT!

Even if I didn’t have kids I wouldn’t be going out to get drunk tonight.

I was never like that.

This year I can guarantee I will be in bed by ten o’clock.

The two times I attempted going out on NYE I got pulled over and thoroughly offended and humiliated.

First time

I don’t remember the exact year but I was in my early twenties.

My boyfriend (now my husband) and I were on our way home from a concert.

Officer: Do you know why I am pulling you over?

Me: No sir.

Officer: Originally it was because you crossed over a solid line. Now it is because I see you are stoned and he is drunk.

My husband: YOU HAVE ONE RIGHT!! (I must admit I did laugh when he said this)

Me: Excuse me?

I have never tried weed, or any drug for that matter.

I was extremely offended by his accusation.

Me: I can assure you I am not stoned.

Officer: Get out of the car.

I step out of the car.

Officer: If you aren’t stoned why are you shaking?

Me: I am shaking because I am standing in the freezing cold without a jacket.

Officer: Can you explain why your pupils are so dilated?

Me: My pupils are dilated because that is what happens to pupils when it is dark. I also happen to have naturally large pupils.

Officer: Naturally large pupils? What is the name of that disorder?

Me: Disorder? If you don’t believe me I am willing to take a drug test.

Officer: That won’t be necessary. Get back in the car.

Me: Thank you.

Officer: Licensee and registration.

Me: I forgot my license. I wasn’t expecting to drive tonight.

He already thought I was stoned and then I didn’t have a license to show him!

I was expecting him to cuff me but instead this happened.

Officer: That is ok have a nice night.

What?

After all that!

“Have a nice night.”

Really?

I will never understand what was going through his mind.

Second time

Again, I don’t remember the exact year but I was in my mid-twenties.

I can only assume I was pulled over because my friends and I were leaving a bar.

Officer: Do you know why I am pulling you over?

Me: No sir.

Officer: You are clearly drunk; please get out of the car.

Clearly drunk? Seriously!

Unless I have a belligerent personality while sober, there was no way he really thought I was drunk.

Me: I haven’t had a drink. I am willing to take a breathalyzer.

Officer: That won’t be necessary. Have you graduated high school?

Me: Yes sir, I have graduated college as well.

Officer: Oh, a smart one. I guess you know your alphabet then.

Me: Yes sir.

Officer: Please recite the alphabet.

Me: A, B…

Officer: No. Start with the letter G.

Me: G, H, I, J, K, L…

Officer: You are a smart one. Now walk in a straight line.

Me: Can I remove my high heals? I can barley walk straight in flats.

I wasn’t being facetious. I fall constantly for no apparent reason. I am the biggest klutz.

Officer: That’s fine. Remove them.

I started walking up and down the street in the freezing cold without shoes. This lasted a few minutes.

Me: Can I stop walking now.

Officer: Yes, get back in the car and have a nice night.

What?

After all that?

Again, I will never understand what happened that night.

I was clearly sober.

I was being responsible by driving home the drunken idiots in my back seat, yet I was the one walking up and down the street barefoot?

I don’t think they thought I was stoned in the first story, and I don’t think they thought I was drunk in the second. They would not have let me leave so easily if they did.

I really think it was because NYE is a crazy night and they are just trying to keep the roads safe.

I am grateful that they randomly pull over cars to double check but I won’t be one of them this year!

Have a safe and happy New Year’s Eve.

Bite your tongue!

I gained sixty-five pounds during my pregnancy.

Even though I lost all of that weight I still do not have my pre-pregnancy body back.

I can pull fat from everywhere on my body even though I weigh less now than I did before I got pregnant.

Can you get back your pre-pregnancy body after having kids?

Here is what my doctor had to say about this when I asked him.

“You had twins. You won’t look like you once did no matter how hard you try. Don’t worry though, look what you have instead!  Two beautiful girls.”

If one more person says that to me I will scream.

So what, after you have kids you no longer have the right to want to look good?

After you have kids it is fine to just let yourself go because hey look what you have instead?

I hate when people say this because it indicates that you rather have a thin body than your kids.

Who in their right mind would rather have a perfect body instead of their kids?

My question is why can’t women have both?

Why is it one or the other?

Why does everyone I speak to say exactly what my doctor said to me?

You may not have your thin body back but look what you have instead.

Listen up.

It IS ok to want to be thin after having kids.

It IS ok to be upset that your body isn’t the same.

It IS not selfish or vein to want to look like you did before having kids.

And wanting this is not a reflection on how you feel about your kids!

Well I have had enough of this.

My New Year’s resolution is to get my body back.

I know this is the most popular resolution made around the world but for a woman who just had kids it is extreamly challenging.

I am going into this realistically.

I understand that some things will not change regardless of how hard I exercise. I mean, if you saw me at the end of my pregnancy you would laugh because that is how huge and ridiculous I looked.

I lost thirty pounds the day my girls were born!

THIRTY!!!

Just from delivering them!

That there tells you how much I was carrying around and how far I had to stretch to accommodate all of it.

But regardless, I will do everything in my power to get my body back.

I will have my cake and eat it too!

The first picture was around 32-33 weeks.

The second picture was 34 weeks.

I didn’t deliver until 37 weeks. I30ish week bump34 week bump

Keen sense of smell

I found myself laughing today as I thought about one of my favorite Dr. Seuss books.

“The Big Brag”

One part in particular reminded me of myself.

Well, really it reminds me of all parents.

“He stuck his big nose ‘way up high in the air. He wiggled that nose and he sniffed and he snuffed. He waggled that nose and he whiffed and he whiffed. For more than ten minutes he snaff and he snuff.”

All day long this is what I do.

Sniff, snaff, snuff.

“Did someone poop?” I ask as I bring my nose closer to the girls.

I pick up a baby; take off the diaper, and NOPE, no poop.

I could have sworn that is what I smelled.

So once again I sniff, snaff, and snuff.

Yes I am positive that is what I smell.

I pick up the other baby and there it is!

I always get it right.

Someone did poop.

I just never pick the right child!

I guess this is the start of never knowing who did what as they get older.

Random thought, but it made me laugh this morning.

Never have I ever…

Never have I ever let my hair dry curly for a holiday.

Never have I ever taken a nap before opening up Christmas gifts.

Never have I ever skipped breakfast and lunch.

Never have I ever worn throw up as an accessory.

Never have I ever neurotically vacuumed my living room carpet for twenty minutes straight to make sure not one scrap of paper was left on the floor.

Never have I ever forgotten to put on half of my makeup.

Never have I ever forgotten to put on socks. (I have forgotten shoes and a bra but that is another story, and shockingly that was before having kids)

Never have I ever packed enough food, clothes, and toys, to last a week when only leaving the house for six hours.

That is, TILL NOW.

Being a parent changes everything (for the better).

The girls first Christmas was amazing.

They actually knew how to open up their Christmas gifts. (They are 7 months old)

They loved the wrapping paper.

They observed it.

They tried to eat it.

They rolled around in it.

And, they threw it around the room.

They were able to handle being in a crowd of people they don’t know without screaming.

They let others hold them.

They let others play with them.

They napped through the noise.

All in all, we had a great time.

I hope all of you had a fantastic holiday as well!

The night before Christmas

The twins were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of bottles danced in their heads.

Over the monitor there arouse such a clatter. I pressed the on button to see what was the matter.

When, what to my questioning eyes should appear, baby B was squealing loudly with cheer.

Away to their bedroom I flew with great speed, to find both girls up and ready for their morning feed.

Down in the kitchen we found daddy busy at work. He spoke not a word, and then he turned with a jerk.

Bottles in hand, he led us over to the tree, where the girls’ eyes lit up with pure glee.

Gifts stacked up so high, lights twinkling bright.

Our first Christmas as a family, what a beautiful sight!

Please

Now that I have children I spend a lot of time with other parents. One thing I find we all have in common is using the word please as a way to help us get through our day.

Below are some examples.

Please keep the pee off of me and in the diaper. (The second the diaper comes off my girls pee.)

Please let me be dreaming, no one is crying at 3am right? (Someone always is.)

Please don’t let them poop while they are in the jumperoo. (Do I really need to explain this one? Yuck.)

Please don’t let anyone show up unannounced; I look like I have been struck by lightning!(Someone always shows up.)

Please don’t let me have banana in my hair. (My daughter Alexis gives raspberries while eating)

Please don’t let anyone notice the spit up on my clothes. (Someone always does)

I have no idea who I am speaking to when I do this but I do it anyway.

Add to the list if you do this as well.

DADA

A few nights ago my husband and I were snug in our beds, with visions of uninterrupted sleep dancing in our heads.

Around three in the morning we hear Brielle yelling.

“Dada, Dada, Dada!”

I turn, look at my husband and say,

“She wants you!”

Now, was she specifically asking for him?

NO.

She just wanted some attention.

I know all of us new moms are waiting to hear our children say mama but take it from me, dada is an outstanding first word!

I will remain snug in my bed until they learn how to say mama! 🙂

The Hat

Where to begin?

Alexis has been giving raspberries for many months now.

She gives raspberries and then waits for your reaction.

When you laugh, she laughs, and then gives you another raspberry.

She has now taken this to the next level.

She is giving raspberries while eating solid food!

I give her food and it goes flying.

It lands in her hair.

It lands in her eyes.

It lands on my clothes.

It lands on the walls.

It pretty much lands everywhere!

I had three options.

  1. Let her have food in her hair all day.
  2. Wash her hair after every meal.
  3. Have her wear a hat to protect her hair from flying food.

I decided to go with the third option.

lexi hat

Are these people serious?

I get stopped constantly whenever I go out with my daughters. People are usually very kind and so I take the time to answer their questions.

Most of the questions I get asked are normal.

1.Do twins run in your family?

2. Are they on the same schedule?

3. Are you exhausted?

Then there are the jaw dropping questions.

Stranger: Can you tell them apart?

Me: Yes they are fraternal.

Stranger: You can tell them apart even when they are naked?

Me: Um, yes. Their faces don’t change when they are naked.

I must admit this encounter worried me. What kind of weirdo asks that question?

Stranger: Are they twins?

Me: Yes they are.

Stranger: So then they are related?

Me: Yes.

Stranger: And they are both yours?

I thought this person was joking around so I didn’t even respond to her last question. I just smiled and walked away.

Stranger: Are they yours?

Me: Yes, they are twins.

Stranger: No they aren’t, they aren’t dressed alike.

Me: Your right, they are not.

I am glad she let me know they can only be twins if they are dressed alike. I will be sure to update their wardrobe accordingly.

Stranger: Oh one of each. That is lovely.

Me: No, they are both girls.

Stranger: Are you sure? This one is wearing black.

Me: Positive.

Stranger: You should not put a black jacket on her then.

What? That is all I can think to say in response to that statement.

Stranger 1: Oh wow look at this. Twins!

Stranger 2: Look at that they are identical.

Stranger 1: Look at their hair. Red hair is so rare.

Stranger 2: Do you think they are hers?

Stranger 1: No they aren’t hers. She is blonde. Red heads come from red heads.

Stranger 1: Take a picture.

That is when I walked away. These people didn’t even talk to me. They just stood there gawking at my children pretending I was not there.

The list goes on and on but these five are my favorite.