New Year’s Eve

A time to party!

A time to celebrate!

A time to go out until all hours of the night!

YEA RIGHT!

Even if I didn’t have kids I wouldn’t be going out to get drunk tonight.

I was never like that.

This year I can guarantee I will be in bed by ten o’clock.

The two times I attempted going out on NYE I got pulled over and thoroughly offended and humiliated.

First time

I don’t remember the exact year but I was in my early twenties.

My boyfriend (now my husband) and I were on our way home from a concert.

Officer: Do you know why I am pulling you over?

Me: No sir.

Officer: Originally it was because you crossed over a solid line. Now it is because I see you are stoned and he is drunk.

My husband: YOU HAVE ONE RIGHT!! (I must admit I did laugh when he said this)

Me: Excuse me?

I have never tried weed, or any drug for that matter.

I was extremely offended by his accusation.

Me: I can assure you I am not stoned.

Officer: Get out of the car.

I step out of the car.

Officer: If you aren’t stoned why are you shaking?

Me: I am shaking because I am standing in the freezing cold without a jacket.

Officer: Can you explain why your pupils are so dilated?

Me: My pupils are dilated because that is what happens to pupils when it is dark. I also happen to have naturally large pupils.

Officer: Naturally large pupils? What is the name of that disorder?

Me: Disorder? If you don’t believe me I am willing to take a drug test.

Officer: That won’t be necessary. Get back in the car.

Me: Thank you.

Officer: Licensee and registration.

Me: I forgot my license. I wasn’t expecting to drive tonight.

He already thought I was stoned and then I didn’t have a license to show him!

I was expecting him to cuff me but instead this happened.

Officer: That is ok have a nice night.

What?

After all that!

“Have a nice night.”

Really?

I will never understand what was going through his mind.

Second time

Again, I don’t remember the exact year but I was in my mid-twenties.

I can only assume I was pulled over because my friends and I were leaving a bar.

Officer: Do you know why I am pulling you over?

Me: No sir.

Officer: You are clearly drunk; please get out of the car.

Clearly drunk? Seriously!

Unless I have a belligerent personality while sober, there was no way he really thought I was drunk.

Me: I haven’t had a drink. I am willing to take a breathalyzer.

Officer: That won’t be necessary. Have you graduated high school?

Me: Yes sir, I have graduated college as well.

Officer: Oh, a smart one. I guess you know your alphabet then.

Me: Yes sir.

Officer: Please recite the alphabet.

Me: A, B…

Officer: No. Start with the letter G.

Me: G, H, I, J, K, L…

Officer: You are a smart one. Now walk in a straight line.

Me: Can I remove my high heals? I can barley walk straight in flats.

I wasn’t being facetious. I fall constantly for no apparent reason. I am the biggest klutz.

Officer: That’s fine. Remove them.

I started walking up and down the street in the freezing cold without shoes. This lasted a few minutes.

Me: Can I stop walking now.

Officer: Yes, get back in the car and have a nice night.

What?

After all that?

Again, I will never understand what happened that night.

I was clearly sober.

I was being responsible by driving home the drunken idiots in my back seat, yet I was the one walking up and down the street barefoot?

I don’t think they thought I was stoned in the first story, and I don’t think they thought I was drunk in the second. They would not have let me leave so easily if they did.

I really think it was because NYE is a crazy night and they are just trying to keep the roads safe.

I am grateful that they randomly pull over cars to double check but I won’t be one of them this year!

Have a safe and happy New Year’s Eve.

3 thoughts on “New Year’s Eve

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