I Must Be Nuts!

While I was pregnant everyone told me the back pain, the morning sickness, the insomnia, the acid reflux, and so on, would become a distant memory. They were convinced I would want more children.

My response to them was; ARE YOU KIDDING ME! NO WAY I WILL FORGET! I have been blessed with two babies. I am not getting pregnant again!

My pregnancy was very difficult. I was in and out of the hospital frequently, and I was persistently sick and in pain.

In addition to the normal pregnancy related symptoms I was a paranoid mess after my miscarriage. I was continuously worried that something was going to go wrong.

Is the water in the shower too hot? The babies don’t have sweat glands.

Should I eat tuna or should I avoid it all together?

I can only sleep on my right side. I can’t sleep on my left side. I can’t sleep on my back. That can cut off their air supply.

Do you think this chicken is fully cooked? I don’t know? Put it in the microwave to let it cook longer. (It was like eating plastic by the time I was done with it)

I actually called the number on the back of a lean pocket box one time to double check the type of cheese a specific meal had in it.

As you can see, most of my worries were food related. I was so concerned I would eat something that would cause the girls harm and they would have a birth defect.

Despite all of that worry and sickness, it was also a lovely experience. I loved watching my belly grow, until it looked like it could be used as a weapon. Man I got big! I also loved feeling the girls move around. I could watch my stomach go up and down for hours.

I never in a million years thought I would consider having more kids.

I have two beautiful girls, why go through all of that again!

Below is the battle I have been having with myself over the past month.

Sentimental me: How cute is this! Look at how small these outfits are. I want another baby.

Pragmatic me: Are you kidding me! Put down the outfits and RUN! Do you not remember sleeping sitting up for two months because lying on your side was too painful?

Sentimental me: Look at their bassinets!! I can’t believe they fit in these! I want another baby.

Pragmatic me: Splash cold water on yourself woman! Don’t you remember the acid reflux? You chugged so much milk to ease the pain that you developed sand in your kidneys!

Sentimental me: Look at that pregnant woman! Her bump is so cute! I miss my bump!

Pragmatic me: Are you nuts! You didn’t look like that! You were so big you couldn’t even walk.

While I may not have forgotten the challenges I faced, I certainly do not remember the severity of them if I am considering having more kids.

Who is going to win?

Sentimental me or pragmatic me?

Only time will tell.

5 thoughts on “I Must Be Nuts!

  1. I’m totally going through the same thing. Although mine is not so pregnancy related but ivf related. Just thinking about the millions of doctors appointments, needles, acupuncture, etc. is totally overwhelming.

    • I can relate. We did IVF as well. My husband and I are carriers for cystic fibrosis. Through IVF we were able to test the embryos to make sure they were healthy before we got pregnant. It was very complicated but now we have two beautiful healthy babies!

      I had a color coded calendar that really helped me keep the shots and doctors appointments organized. It is a lot but don’t worry you will get through it!

  2. Love, Love, LOVE IT! I felt the SAME way after all three boys were born. There was still that “feeling” inside. There was something when we had our fourth though, maybe because we finally had a girl? I don’t know. Almost the SECOND she was born, I felt complete. 100% complete. There’s no better word I think. Sure I LOVE to see an itty bitty baby, or tiny outfit…but that “pull” is gone. It’s such a nice feeling to love what you have and feel content…wanting nothing more. If you have that “pull” listen to your heart! It will tell you what to do one way or the other!!! XO

  3. Thanks for the advice 🙂 This morning the only pull I have is coming from my bed. It want’s me to go back to sleep hah 🙂 I am going to give myself a few years. I do feel complete with just the two girls. I think my issue is they will leave me at the same time. They will go off to college together and I will an empty nest all at once.

  4. I can totally understand your reservations but also the lure of doing it “just one more time”. I have no doubt that what you really want will become clear to you in time 🙂 x

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