Complete Chaos

The girls had their 1 year check up today and it was complete chaos, as usual. They both screamed the entire time, even before anyone touched them. They both tried to jump off of the scale, and they refused to let anyone but me hold them. Along with this, Alexis pooped on the exam table, Brielle peed all over the doctor, and finally Alexis pressed her body up against mine so tightly to avoid making contact with the stethoscope,  that the doctor felt me up.
 
While all of this was going on, every adult in the room was trying to calm them down in their own way, which only added to the madness. I was singing,the nanny was making shushing sounds, and the nurses kept telling them,”Everything is going to be ok.” We looked like a dysfunctional circus act. 
 
Thankfully the girls’ doctor and the nurses are extremely  kind. They stayed positive and upbeat the entire visit and reassured me that the girls’ behavior is completely normal and expected. 
 

Separation Anxiety

I now know what it feels like to be a celebrity. I have had “fans” watch my every move, reach out to grab me, and scream my name on a daily basis.

Brielle is my number one fan. Over the past couple of weeks she has been experiencing separation anxiety. Her big blue eyes follow my every move and if I get too far away from her all hell breaks loose. She immediately turns on the waterworks and begins screaming my name while reaching out to grab hold of me.

I believe this is the reason she has been refusing to go to bed lately, which was written about here, Sleeping Beauty. Now that I have a better understanding of what caused the change in her nighttime routine, I have come up with a new strategy. Instead of allowing her to fall asleep on me (which I have been advised is a bad habit to get into) I sit next to her crib. This keeps her feeling relaxed and enables her to fall asleep easily.

My new strategy has one small flaw. She can sense when I get up to leave the room. Her eyes pop open as soon as I stand up. With that said, I have found a solution. I now crawl out of her room. As long as I stay low to the ground and move slowly, I am able to leave without disturbing her sleep.

I hope this phase is short lived and she is able to feel relaxed without having me near her at all time. Until then, I will continue army crawling my way out of her room on a nightly basis to make sure she feels safe and secure.

Embarrassing

Now that my girls are on the move, I spend a lot of time on my hands and knees crawling around on the floor alongside them. My jeans are becoming worn because of this and so I came up with what I thought was the most logical solution. I decided I would wear the same pair of jeans every day during playtime to prevent my entire jean collection from getting destroyed. Up until today I thought my problems were solved.

I was wrong…

Today, as I was crawling around the living room with Alexis, my friend began laughing hysterically. When I say hysterically I am not exaggerating. It was the kind of laughter that takes your breath away and causes tears to stream down your face.

I couldn’t put two and two together. No one did anything humorous, and so to me there was no apparent reason for this outburst. None that I could see anyway.

When she was finally able to speak she said, “I see your butt!” The laughter continued as I stood up, looked in the mirror, and saw my underpants staring back at me.

My pants ripped! There was a huge hole between the two back pockets, exposing a good portion of my bottom. Being that I was wearing tan underpants, she assumed she was seeing skin.

I guess it is time to put my “play” jeans to rest. They have clearly been overused.  I now have to find a better solution for preserving my clothing. Any suggestions?

Should I Have Offered Him A Baby Wipe?

Yesterday afternoon my friend and I witnessed an unthinkable act. I am still in disbelief and have been unable to erase the image from my memory.

Here is what happened.

A truck belonging to a lawn service company was parked on the side of the road. One man slept in the truck while his partner was out on the lawn…well, read the below conversation to find out what he was doing.

“Look, there is a man sitting in the bushes.” commented my friend.

“Actually, I think he is squatting.” I replied.

As we stared intently, the man stood up with a bare bottom and pulled up his pants.

“Oh my gosh! He was doing more than squatting.” I spat out.

I think you can put two and two together and figure out what he was doing. I couldn’t believe it. I understand he was working on the lawn, but about fifteen stores, all with sanitary bathrooms, surrounded him. What was he thinking?

My mind began racing. I didn’t know how to react.

Should I…

  1. Stare
  2. Laugh hysterically
  3. Ask for a business card since he is clearly an expert at fertilizing lawns. (Obviously kidding)
  4. Offer him a baby wipe.

After the shock wore off my friend and I selected number two. We began laughing hysterically. I think the image of this man will be burned into my memory for the rest of my life, and I will never be able to look at gardeners in the same way ever again.

Hot Wax…Hot Mess

Yesterday, I decided it was about time to stop trying to tweeze my own eyebrows and go and get them waxed. I used to go bi-weekly, but after the girls were born, I had other activities/chores that took precedence.

When I entered the salon, I was told that the lady who usual takes care of me was not available. Even though I was a bit apprehensive, I agreed to try someone new.

With shaky hands, the new lady waxed my eyelids, my forehead, my nose, and even managed to wax off some of the hair on top of my head.

When I looked in the mirror my eyebrows looked good…from a distance. I was genuinely shocked. How could they look this good when it didn’t even feel like she got anywhere near my eyebrows?

I took a step towards the mirror, and upon closer inspection I realized that my eyebrows did look good, but only individually. They didn’t match! One had a higher arch than the other. This was a more realistic picture after the experience I had just had. Being that I didn’t want to risk having her take off an entire eyebrow by fixing them, I thanked her, and tried to leave the room.

As I neared the door she grabbed my shoulder and said, “you sit” so I sat. I didn’t want to offend her. I was shocked when she put wax on the upper part of my lip. I hadn’t asked her to wax that area, but being that there was already hot wax on my face, I sat there silently as she waxed my upper lip, my actual lips, the inside of my nostril, and my cheek.

“Perfect.” she said.

“Perfect.” I muttered, as I left the room.

If nothing else, I learned a valuable lesson. It is ok to say STOP when someone is coming at you with hot wax and they have no idea how to use it.

Hopefully I am able to fix my eyebrows before the girls’ party this weekend.

My Little Ramona

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Alexis is an extremely spirited child. Saying that she marches to the beat of her own drum would be an understatement.

If another one of Judy Blume’s Romana books becomes a movie, I believe that Alexis has a good chance of playing the lead.

If you are wondering…she has applesauce and sweet potatoes in her hair.